The Triathlon-Part 3-The Run

Just finishing the bike

I was feeling great on the bike until the last few miles, when i started to get tired.  I came into the finish line and was so happy to see my kids, mom, brother, and a friend all cheering me on!  I made it into the transition area and I got a little burst of energy.  I changed clothes completely (fresh socks, shorts, shirt, shoes) and debated for a few seconds whether or not to continue wearing my head scarf.  I realized that it was very hot and sunny and I wanted to stay cool, so I quickly made the decision to douse it in water and keep it on my head, thinking it would help to keep me cool.  I’m so glad I made that decision, because it was HOT!  Plus, this was the head scarf (called a BUFF) that I wore all while I was bald, and for some reason I felt like it needed to come along on the run with me.  I got my iPod all set up and away I went.  I was so happy, again, to see my family cheering me on on my way out of the transition area.  I got hugs from them, and Kaycee jogged along with me for a little ways.

Starting the Run, High Fiving Mom!

Starting the Run

My original plan was to walk the first mile, because in training, that’s about what it took for my legs to start working well enough to run.  Plus, the first mile of this course had some small uphills on it.  However, I got my music going and the first song was my all time favorite running song I Got a Feeling, Black Eyed Peas, and it gave me a burst of energy, so I started off at a slow jog.  My leg muscles were burning like I’ve never experienced before, so the jog quickly turned into a walk/jog.  I was counting on a water station at mile 1, but it wasn’t there!  It was at about mile 1.2, and I drank a small cup and dumped a cup on my head.  On mile 2 I began wondering where all the shade was.  The run was all through the forested paths of Sun River, and I had remembered more shade.  So far, I seemed to be in full sun and it was HOT! I ran pretty steadily for mile 2 and 3, and was happy to see that I was passing people again- probably all those people who passed me in the swim!

I was thoroughly enjoying my run music and going along at a nice pace.  I had spent some time the previous week getting all my favorite run music onto the iPod, in the order I wanted it, and having that music was so motivating to me!  Plus, I was still using my brother’s iPod, and I felt like some of his spirit was with me on the run, coming through his music.  I had kept some of his songs, plus added some new ones of my own.  At mile three, I was really, really hot and starting to feel not so good.  My muscles seemed to be on fire from the inside and I just couldn’t get cool.  At the next water station, I poured water all over my head, legs, arms, and body.  I was feeling kind of sick, so I wasn’t able to drink more than a few sips.  The electrolyte drink tasted really gross- too sweet- so I stopped drinking that.  I had a few energy gels in my pocket, but couldn’t eat them for fear of them making me even sicker.

Just past mile three, my iPod stopped working suddenly.  I started walking so I could fiddle with it.  It just would not work.  At about that time, a teammate passed me and encouraged me to just forget the iPod and run.  I remember yelling, “I can’t run without my music!” and feeling just so frustrated, tired, hot, and MAD!  Finally, finally, I realized that the music was gone and I was just going to have to gut it out.  I took the head phones off ( I think probably all the water dumped on my head caused a short) and just walked for a bit.  As I walked, I had time to talk with some of the other people who were also walking.  I saw many purple Team in Training jerseys, and I was reminded why I was doing this triathlon.  My competitive spirit had taken over on the bike and the first part of the run, and I just had to shoo it away and remember that I wasn’t doing this to win something.  I came to peace with the lack of music and just focused on taking each next step.

At about mile 4, I was able to start slowly running again and when I got to our house along the path, there was Tyler (our swim coach) with a hose on and encouraging words.  I dumped the iPod, cooled down, and felt much better.  Also all along the path, from the very beginning, there were fun things written in chalk (our coach and our bike captain had snuck out the night before and spent hours writing things for us on the sidewalk).  Some of these things were funny, some were sweet, and some were motivational.  They helped me so much because once the music was gone, I focused on looking for the next chalk writing.

After passing the house, I knew I only had a little over a mile to go, and I knew I was almost there!  I was just in my own world, focusing on breathing in and out and putting one foot in front of the other, when I reached a particularly hot stretch where I was all alone.  Suddenly, without warning, a huge, loud, firm thought/statement/voice surged through my being, saying, “IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT”. Immediately, I knew that this was referring to my getting breast cancer.  I gasped for air and started sobbing all at the same time.  I felt a heavy, crushing sensation in my chest and I had to stop and just try to catch my breath.  I was crying so hard that I could not catch my breath and it felt like I was having an asthma attack.  I looked around and again, and I was still alone.  I just took a few moments to try to understand this voice/thought thing.  I realized that on some deep level, I have believed that getting cancer was my fault. If only I had exercised more, or eaten more blueberries, or not stored my food in plastic containers, or whatever, I could have prevented it.  I have been bombarded for years with headlines saying, “eat this cancer fighting food” or ” avoid this and reduce your risk of cancer”.  I somehow came to believe that if I just followed these headlines’ advice, I could avoid cancer.  Since I got cancer, I somehow came to believe it was my fault.  I also believed that my body let me down and was weak, and somehow allowed the cancer in.  In an instant, the message of IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT brought to the surface the pain of the false belief that it was my fault.  This belief crushed against me, passed through me, and was gone.  It has stayed gone.  Once the pain passed and I could breath again, I was still crying from the relief of such a heavy burden being lifted.  At this point, I felt so much love and compassion for my body that I just wrapped my arms around myself and apologized to my body for blaming it for letting me down.  I realized that getting cancer for me was like getting hit by a car.  It was just a random thing that happened that I had no control over.  My body didn’t let me down at all.  In fact, my body fought like crazy to get rid of the cancer.  My body is fighting like crazy now to recover from the whole ordeal.  I was also overwhelmed with what an amazing creation the human body is.  I became fully aware of what a miracle it was that I was completing this triathlon.  I was totally exhausted at this point, totally out of energy and I just wanted to lay down on the side of the path and not move any more.

I was still sobbing when people began to pass me and ask if I was ok.  I realized that I was ok, just tired.  I got control of myself, began breathing normally, and began slowly, slowly, running that last mile.

With just about half a mile to go, I saw my coach and my captain running toward me on the path, coming to meet me to run with me to the finish line.  I heard them say, “you’re almost there”.  We had a rule that no one could say, “you’re almost there” until the finish line was really, really close.  So I believed them!  I put on a burst of speed so I could zoom across the finish line.  That lasted for about 5 seconds until I realized I had nothing left to give.  I slowed back down and just focused on getting across.  I saw a cameraman and I forced a smile, then I saw the finish line!  Oh, how sweet it was to cross that line!  I felt physically terrible, but my spirit was elated and free!!

THE FINISH LINE

I will write one more post to this blog, then it will be finished!

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