An Ending and a Beginning

Swim Happy!

Bike Happy!

Run Happy!

Somewhere in the middle of my triathlon training, I made the decision that I would train until the big day, then just take it easy until next year’s triathlon.  The training schedule was getting more and more intense and taking up more and more time.  Plus, I wanted to explore some other interests this summer, like yoga, belly dancing, and horseback riding.  Then, the big day came and in the week that followed, there was a flurry of emails amongst my teammates all expressing the same feelings:  This had been so much fun and we were all so sad to see it end.  Finally, one email said, “We don’t have to ‘break up’ if we don’t want to!”  After a week of rest, a small group of us ran the Butte to Butte together- a 10 kilometer run on 4th of July morning, with over 6,000 participants!  It was so much fun seeing my teammates again for this local race!  A few days later, we made plans to meet up at Dorena Lake for a swim across it.  Two of my teammates have decided to train for a half iron man race in September, and a handful of us are continuing to train for the next triathlon- the Dechutes Dash, in Bend next weekend!  I wasn’t quite ready to tackle swimming across the lake, so the girls and I went along in our kayaks as the “safety boats”. Everyone who swam made the mile across the lake, and 3 teammates made the second mile back across again!

Yesterday morning found us all at the lake again, at 8 a.m. on a Saturday, meeting up for a swim and a run.  I can now pretty easily swim race distance without getting too tired.  The water is now quite pleasant and although we continue to swim in wetsuits, there are many people at the lake, now that it’s summer, playing in the water in their bathing suits.  I can also pretty easily run the 6.5 mile course that used to be such a challenge for me.  Wow, wow, wow!  While I don’t want to continue training at such an intense pace, I certainly want to maintain this level of fitness, and slowly continue to build it.  Our coach has put together a list of upcoming triathlons in our area and he hopes to attend one a month with as many of us as can participate.  Unfortunately, the cost is a bit prohibitive (Dechutes Dash is $95.00 to enter, plus I need to find 2 nights of lodging), so I thought maybe I’d focus on participating in 3-4 per year.  I am definitely going to participate in the Pacific Crest again next year with Team in Training!  I’m hoping to be a mentor next year so I can help out new people.  If anyone is interested in participating, let me know!  Training starts in January.

On this beautiful sunny Sunday morning, the day before I go back to work for my five-week summer session, I’m reflecting on what all I learned and experienced during the past five months.  In this final blog posting, I thought I’d share my reflections:

1.  During the race, I learned something about the human body.  I have always known intellectually that the images we see of the human body in the media are of just one body type- thin and  tall.  I know that this is a false representation of the human race.  However, I somehow subconciously held on to the belief that if I just trained hard enough,  my short, stocky body would morph into a tall, lean, athletic body.  I thought that training created that type of a body.  During the triathlon, I believe I saw every body type there is- plenty of the tall, lean, athletic bodies, but also short and lean, short and stocky, short and fat, tall and stocky, tall and fat, medium and lean, medium and stocky, medium and fat.  I was amazed at the range of body types represented, and even more amazed to see that it didn’t matter the body type- they were all completing the same triathlon!  I finally got it, way down deep in my subconscious.  We are born into our bodies, and while our lifestyle choices can certainly impact how healthy our bodies are, we cannot morph into a whole different body type.  And, we don’t need too!  Our bodies are amazing, whatever type they are.  We don’t have to have that tall, lean, athletic body to complete a triathlon- any body type will do!  This experience has left me, finally, at peace with my body.  I am in complete awe at what my body was able to accomplish, and I feel like Wonder Woman!

2.  I have also had some subconscious beliefs about age.  I somehow believed that my best years were behind me- in my 20′s I was in great shape and very athletic.  I believed that once we passed our 20′s we could still stay in shape, but not at that same level.  In this triathlon, the largest age category for both men and women was the 40′s, and the ages ranged from 15 to 80.  Wow!  I no longer believe that age is any type of a barrier when it comes to being athletic.  I’m starting to believe that at 41, I’m just starting to reach my peak!

3.  I learned a little something about happiness, too.  I am generally a pretty upbeat, optimistic person.  However, I have held onto the subconscious belief that true happiness is something that I could strive for, but only reach once I got a little more money, a little nicer house, a little newer car, a few more friends, a great boyfriend, etc.  During these past five months, I’ve experienced a solid level of happiness like I’ve never experienced before.  It didn’t make sense to me at first- why would I be happy?  I was just coming off of a year of cancer hell, the death of my brother, and the breakup of a relationship.  I’m still single-parenting two challenging kids, still not making enough money, still living in a house that needs repairs, still driving an old car. Why would training for a triathlon make me happy in a way that nothing ever has before?  I believe there are several aspects of this training that are responsible for my happiness:

a.Exercise- exercise releases the “feel good” hormones and I’ve been getting a solid, steady dose of those!

b.  Learning something new- learning to swim was so very hard, but also very, very satisfying as it all started to come together.  I think my brain really enjoys tackling something I’m not good at and working with it until I start to get good at it.

c.  Meditation- I’ve never been one who could meditate by sitting still, but there were many times during my training when I feel like I entered a state of meditation.  I had many bike rides where I just looked at the trees and the river and my mind was at rest.  With the swimming and the running, there were many times when the only thoughts in my mind were about breathing and moving forward.  I think this mental rest is important for me.

d.  Goals- Having goals that are hard, but obtainable in a reasonable amount of time, gave me a deep sense of satisfaction.  Raising money, learning to swim, biking and running ever farther each time, all made me feel like I was accomplishing something.  Maybe I can’t afford a nicer house, but I can raise $3,500 for cancer research!  Reaching my triathlon goals have made the other goals- the nicer house, etc, unimportant.

e.  Helping Others- Getting outside of my own self and my own life and my own problems and focusing on raising money to help other people in the world has been deeply satisfying.  As a whole, our teams raised enough money to fund over 1,000 days of cancer research.  I think about the pain and sweat and muscle aches I endured as directly leading to researchers in labs finding a cure for cancer.  The level of happiness that thought brings me is so intense that, again, it makes driving a nicer car or earning more money seem unimportant and insignificant.

f.  Sense of Community- Being on a team, all working together towards the same goal, has been so much fun!  I feel so honored to have been on this team.  My teammates are people who I probably never would have crossed paths with out in the world.  We range in age from 20′s to 50′s and are from a wide variety of back grounds and professions.  Yet, we all came together to form a team to work towards a common goal.  And, we all met our goal!  Laughing together, sweating together, crying together, has left me feeling like I’m a part of something quite special.

g.  This last bit is hard to put into words, but I’ll try.  The fundraising part was very hard for me.  I tend to be on the shy side, and talking to people and asking them for money does not come easily for me!  Doing this fundraising pushed me to talk to strangers and it built my self confidence.  When people said yes and donated, I was so happy!  I really enjoyed the hundreds of small conversations I had with people where they would share how cancer had touched them, or just give me words of encouragement.  I also learned from the people who said “no” to donating, or who acted bothered by my asking.  I learned that they weren’t rejecting me, they just didn’t want to donate.  I learned to feel strong and confident in the face of rejection.

h.  Writing the blog has given me a huge sense of happiness and satisfaction.  I love to write and in my career and my day to day life, I don’t have opportunities to write.  This blog has given me a reason to explore a passion of mine!  It has also gotten me interested in photography, a very old interest of mine.  When I was a teenager, I can remember wanting to learn more about photography, but never really pursuing it.  Now, i’m making plans to take a photography class and I’m so exited to have that to look forward to!

i.  Grief.  What to say about grief?  I went into this training deep in the middle of some pretty big grief.  I have been baffled to understand how I can be grieving and be deeply happy at the same time.  I have come to realize that it is possible to  experience two strong emotions at once.  It is possible to be happy and sad together.  I have also learned that grief doesn’t have to paralyse me and make me miserable.  The grief can just ride along with me and make friends with my happiness.  I still feel so sad about things, especially my brother’s death.  But I also feel happy and hopeful for me.  The next triathlon is the day before what would have been his 49th birthday.  I feel like I get to keep my brother’s spirit with me, the piece of him that was light and happy, and take it along with me where ever I go.

What’s next for me?  I don’t know yet, but I know it’s something wonderful!

Thank you to all who have read this blog and cheered me on!  Stay tuned for one last posting- a surprise from my brother, Steve, who put together something special to share on the blog.

Sun Setting Over Dorena Lake